Lady like no other?

" The English-speaking world is divided into those who have read The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings and those who are going to read them " - Sunday Times

My brother used to taunt me with this one-liner for years until I finally got down to finishing his all-time favourite novel, you guessed it --  'The Lord of the Rings'! :-)

On similar lines, the world of today's ladies is also divided into those who carry a smart feminine handbag looking chic and elegant , and those who heave a shapeless sack backpack along with their sorry self. Of course  I comfortably fit into both ( Huh! I dare you to disagree! ). But no, this isn't a post about how my bag is stuffed with my entire wardrobe, followed by a detailed boring description of how I never manage to dig out my hairbrush from the overflowing stack when I need it the most and other banalities!

To start from the pre-historic times, I never needed an occasion to shop for a bag. I have a trunkful of bags, all shapes, sizes, kinds, colours.. Oh absolutely, I can open my own store today. I would readily give away my old and new clothes, shoes, sandals, watches or anything else I own, but NEVER my bags! I nearly shed tears of blood a few years back when I donated my favourite backpack (in a fit of generosity) to my brother for a semester and he treated it worse than trash :'(   Back to the topic. To office I am usually seen with a backpack (I have several of these also in various sizes :-P ). Its only during the weekends that all my hep and happening bags see the light of the day. As my mother observed and remarked rather nastily once - " Why is it that when you go out for movies with your friends, you go gallivanting like a heroine !?! But when you come with me, you take that extra effort to look so dull & drab that we look like 'Madam and maid' !!!!! "

What I carry in my backpack will follow towards the end. Just like anybody else, I carried everything I needed. A couple of months back, my friend gifted me a gorgeous roomy burgundy ladies handbag! I must correct myself here, I did not have all kinds of bags..in fact, I never possessed a propah ladies hand-bag! I always fell for the ethnic-chunky-funky looking bags and spent a fortune on them. So I was thrilled with my gift. I stashed it away with the rest of my prized possessions after admiring it sufficiently. When I went to Kannur recently, I decided to inaugurate my new big bag. I could fill a house in it, which I did! After my return, I was too lazy to transfer the contents back to my good ole' backpack and so the brown beauty got more visibility. As for me, I got quizzical looks, surprised exclamations, wondrous glances and revelled in all the attention. The bag and I got along famously. I didn't miss my backpack one bit. The best part was - Every evening I would just stuff my ID card in one of the compartments and never really remember which one. When the security demanded my ID the next morning, I'd miraculously produce it in a jiffy! Literally even before you could say 'Abracadabra'. I felt so smug , almost as if I shared a deep unspoken bond with my sleek new bag. I had arrived in the elite world of elegant ladies!

What I was unprepared for were the expectations that came along with slinging a stylish bag on your shoulders. It started rather innocuously.

" Hey do you have a pair of scissors? " , my colleague asked.

" Umm.. no..sorry. ", I didn't give it a second thought.

Couple of days later, another colleague, " Hey I need scissors!! ".

" Well, I don't have them. I have a stapler though ?? " , I was trying to sound helpful.

"No use. I need to cut cello tape". He stalked off.

Soon enough, " Hey do you have a nail file ?? " , the same colleague.

I was drinking coffee and nearly spat it out, " What !! Why ?? " I asked in a shrill voice.

"One of my nails chipped :-( Don't you carry a nail file in your bag? ", eyeing my bag. I could read his thoughts courtesy his sarcastic expressions - 'You didn't have scissors!...being a lady, you must at least possess a nail file !'. 
I interrupted his train of thoughts hurriedly because I get alarmed when an adult isn't really 'man about things' ! ( No offense to anyone ;-) ), " Oh go away ! Bite it or something !! ".

I guess my bag and its mysterious contents really gave him some food for thought. A few hours later he came to my seat again. " By the way, I don't mean to touch a tender nerve here , but do you at least carry hand cream ? ",  expectantly waiting for my nod.

I was quite annoyed with this incessant and not to mention merciless poking and prodding. I opened my mouth to put an end to this once and for all ; one look at his expression shut me up . I suppose he knew what was coming too. He put his head in his hands, sat down , finally looked up wearing a flabbergasted expression -- " What kind of a lady are you??? ". I chose not to retort with my usual  "wisecracks". In any case don't you think it was too late for explanations of any sorts ! We had a hearty laugh over this for days followed by merry discussions  :-)  

Some weeks later, as I was heading out, he hesitantly asked me for a pen which I had. Some marginal respect for my bag and me were restored. One hopes !! Coming to the fascinating part. What's actually in my bag as I write this post ? Well how I wish my bag was like Pandora's box !! ;-)  I carry, among a lottt of useless and unused items..., a Novel, Torch, Tissues, Umbrella, Water, Hairbrush, Photo Album (Somethings are best left unexplained .. always) , Scarf, A pair of Socks (Go figure!), and yes, a new bottle of moisturizer .. ( only because winter is setting in !!!! :-P )

All you ladies reading this post, please DON'T scandalize me by confirming that you never leave the house without hand-cream, nail-file, handkerchiefs, hair-slides etc ?!! Ohhhh, and all you men reading this post ,  carry your own nail-file, scissors and the works.  Spare us the torture :-P